60 Ways To Win Your Husband's Love

Earlier I wrote a post about 60 ways to make your wife happy, now it's the other way around. All wives should try to follow these steps to preserve a happy marriage. What is important is good communication and respect, and that each part doesn't take the other for granted.

1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn't want a man for his wife!

2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don't stay in your sleeping suit all day.

3. Smell good!

4. Don't lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.

5. Don't keep asking him, "what are you thinking?"

6. Stop nagging non-stop before Allah ta'ala gives you something really to complain about.

7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet, not even under the pretense of seeking help! If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues, then go seek counseling with the right person who can give advice in either:

8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.

9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam. Focus on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights

10. Race to the door when he comes home, as if you were waiting for him. Smile and hug him.

11. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.

12. Compliment him on the things you know he's not so confident about (looks, intelligence, etc.) This will build his self-esteem.

13. Tell him he's the best husband ever.

14. Call his family often.

15. Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more.

16. When he's talking about something boring, listen and nod your head. Even ask questions to make it seem like you're interested.

17. Encourage him to do good deeds.

18. If he's in a bad mood, give him some space. He'll get over it, inshaAllah.

19. Thank him sincerely for providing you with food and shelter. It's a big deal.

20. If he's angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you're quiet.You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he's calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.

21. When you're mad at him, don't say "YOU make me furious", rather, "This action makes me upset". Direct your anger to the action and circumstance rather than at him.

22. Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration.

23. Let him chill with his friends without guilt, especially if they're good guys.
Encourage him to go out, so he doesn't feel "cooped up" at home.

24. If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it. Really

25. Learn how to tell him what you expect without him having to guess all the time. Learn to communicate your feelings.

26. Don't get mad over small things. It's not worth it.

27. Make jokes. If you're not naturally funny, go on the internet and read some jokes, and then tell them to him.

28. Tell him you're the best wife ever and compliment yourself on certain things you know you're good at.

29. Learn to make his favorite dish.

30. Don't ever, EVER talk bad about him with friends or family unnecessarily. If they end up agreeing with you, you will see that it hits you back in the face because you get more depressed that you have a bad husband–and other people also think you have a bad husband.

31. Use your time wisely and get things accomplished. If you're a home-maker, take online classes and get active in your community. This will make you happy and a secondary bonus is that it impresses your husband.

32. Do all of the above fee sabeelillah and you will see Allah put barakah in everything you do.

33. Husband and wife should discuss and communicate with wisdom with each other to convey what they like and dislike of each other to do or not to do. Do NOT give commands or instructions like he's your servant. "They are garment to each other" [Surah Baqarah, 2:187]

34. Tell your husband you love him, many, many times. Aisha, radiallahu anha, narrated that the Prophet , salallahu alaihi wasalaam, used to ask her how strong her love for him, she said like "a knot." And the next time he would ask her, "How is that knot?" He also used to reply to her saying, "Jazzakillah, O Aishah, wallahi, you have not rejoiced in me as I have rejoiced in you."

35. Have a race with your husband and let him win, even if you are much fitter and stronger than him.

36. Keep fit and take care of your health so you will remain a strong mother, wife, cook and housekeeper, inshaAllah you will not get FAT and frumpy.

37. Refine and cultivate good mannerisms i.e do not whine, don't laugh or talk too loud or walk like an elephant.

38. Do not leave the house without his permission and certainly not without his knowledge.

39. Make sure all his clothes are clean and pressed so he is always looking fresh and crisp.

40. Don't discuss important/controversial matters with him when he is tired or sleepy. Find right time for right discussion.

41. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

42. Always let him know that you appreciate him working and bringing home the "dough". It makes it easier for him to go to work.

43. Make sure you ALWAYS have something for dinner.

44. Brush your hair, everyday.

45. Don't forget to do laundry.

46. Surprise him with gifts. Even necessities, such as new shoes, can be gifts.

47. Listen to him. (Even when he talks about extremely boring things like basketball or computers.)

48. Try (hard as it might be) to take interest in his hobbies

49. Try not to go shopping too much … and spend all his money.

50. Look attractive and be seductive towards him. Flirt with him.

51. Learn tricks and "techniques" to please your husband in intimacy. (Of course goes both ways.)

52. Prepare for special evenings with him with special dinner and exclusive time (no children permitted).

53. Take care of your skin, especially your face. The face is center of attraction.

54. If you not satisfied intimately, talk to him and tell him. Help him or provide resources, don't wait until matters become worse.

55. Ask Allah to strengthen and preserve the bonds of compassion and love between the two of you, every day, every prayer. Ask him to protect that bond from Shaytaan. When a lesser devil destroys the love between spouses, he is the most beloved of Shaytaan. Nothing works like du'ah, and love only exists between spouses where Allah instills it.

56. Don't EVER compare your husbands to other husbands! For example don't say, "well her husband doesn't do that, why do you …" (thats a killer!)

57. Be happy with what you have because no one is perfect. If you want perfection, wait until you enter Jannah together inshaAllah–and of course, vice versa!

58. Strive for Allah's love first and foremost! if all wives try to seek Allah's love and pleasure, surely, they can keep their husbands love too. And remember–if Allah loves you, the angels will love you, and the entire creation will love you.

59. If you pack a lunch for your husband to take to work, from time to time
sneak in a little love note or sweet poem. If he doesn't take a lunch, leave the note somewhere else for him to find, like in his briefcase, or wallet or on the car steering-wheel

60. Wake him up for Qiyam ul-Layl (in the last third of the night) and ask him to pray with you.

Women's Rights In Islam Part 1

A very common topic in Islam is women's rights. Some people think women are inferior to men, and they think that the women don't have any rights in Islam nor any personality. They believe she needs to do everything what her father, brother or husband want, and that she can't express her opinion, or else she will be beaten or abused. Well, none of this is true, and Islam came with a great blessing for women. Before Islam, women were in the situation I explained, and they were treated like animals and couldn't own anything. Often female babies were buried because people thought getting a female was a sorrow for the world. However, with Islam all of this changed. The woman got many rights from Allah (subhana wa ta'ala); she could inherit, have her own property, express her opinion, be respected as a wife and mother and have her own personality. Islam was a reform for humankind.

Rights as a sister:

THE QURAN

"... if the man or woman whose inheritance is in question has left neither ascendants nor descendants, but has left a brother or sister, each one of the two gets a sixth; but if more than two, they share a third; after payment of legacies and debts; so that no loss is caused (to anyone). Thus is it ordained by Allah, and Allah is All-Knowing, Most-Forbearing" - Quran 4:12


AHADITH

Ibn Abbas reported that the Holy Prophet (sallalhu 'alayhe wa sallam) said: "If one brings up three daughters or sisters, teaches them good manners and treats them kindly and lovingly till they no longer need his help, Allah will make paradise obligatory for him. One man said: What if he has two? He replied: And he also. Ibn Abbas said that if the people had enquired about one, the Prophet would have said the same thing." [Shariah Sunnah]


Rights as a daughter:

THE QURAN

"Allah thus directs you as regards your children's (inheritance): to the male, a portion equal that of two females: if only daughters, two or more, their share is two thirds of the inheritance, if only one, her share is half." - Quran 4:11

"When news is brought to one of them, of (the birth of) a female (child), his face darkens, and he is filled with inward grief! With shame does he hide himself from his people, because of the bad news he has had! Shall he retain it on (sufferance and) contempt, or bury it in the dust? Ah what an evil (choice) they decide on!" - Quran 16:58-59


AHADITH

'Aisha reported: "A woman came to me, while there were two of her daughters with her. She was begging of me, but found nothing from me except one date which I gave her. She divided it between her two daughters and she herself did take nothing of it. Then she got up and went away. The Holy Prophet came and I informed him (of it). He said: Whoever suffers for anything on account of these daughters and (still) treats them with kindness, they will be a shield for him from Hell. [Bukhari & Muslim]

Ibn Abbas reported that the Messenger of Allah said: "If anybody has got a female child, and then does neither bury her alive, nor treats her unjustly, nor prefers his male children to her, Allah will admit him in Paradise." [Abu Daud]


Rights as a wife:

THE QURAN

"Permitted to you, on the night of the feasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments. Allah knoweth what ye used to do secretly among yourselves: But He turned to you and forgave you." - Quran 2:187

"And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable: but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise." - Quran 2:228

"And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift, but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it with right good cheer." - Quran 4:4

"O ye who believe! ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them, - except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike in them, it may be that ye dislike a thing that Allah brings about through it a great deal of good." - Quran 4:19

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect." - Quran 30:21

"Let the women live (in 'iddat) in the same style as ye live, according to your means. Annoy them not, so as to restrict them. And if they carry (life in their wombs), then spend (your substance) on them until they deliver their burden: and if they suckle your (offspring), give them their recompenses: and take mutual counsel together, according to what is just and reasonable. And if ye find yourselves difficulties, let another woman suckle (the child) on the (father's) behalf." - Quran 65:6


AHADITH

Hakim-b Muawiyah from his father reported: "I asked: O Messenger of Allah! what right has the wife of one among us got over him? He said: it is that you shall give her food when you have taken your food, that you shall clothe her when you have clothed yourself, that you shall not slap her on the face, nor revile (her), nor leave (her) alone except within the house." [Ahmad & Abu Daud & Ibn Majah]

Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allah (sallalahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said: "The most perfect of the believers in faith is he who is the best of them in conduct, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives." [Tirmizi, approved]

Anas reported that the Messenger of Allah (sallalahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said: "When a woman says her five (daily prayers) and fasts her month, and guards her private parts, and obeys her husband, let her enter Paradise by whichever door she likes." [Abu Nayeem in Hilya]

Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allah (sallalahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said:"Let no believing man hate a believing woman. If he hates one trait of her character, he shall be pleased with another that is within her." [Muslim]

"Nothing among the choicest blessings of this world is better than a virtuous wife." [Ibn Majah]


Rights as a mother:

THE QURAN

"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them Thy mercy even as they cherished me in childhood." - Quran 17:23-24

"(He) hath made me kind to my mother, and not overbearing or miserable." - Quran 19:32

"And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: In travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) goal." - Quran 31:14


AHADITH

Abu Hurairah reported that a man enquired: "O Apostle of Allah! who is the most proper person for my good association?" "Thy mother", replied he. Then he asked: "Who is next?" "Thy mother", he replied. Then he asked: "Who is next?" "Thy mother" he replied. He enquired: "Who is next?" "Thy father" [Bukhari & Muslim]

Mugirah reported that the Messenger of Allah (sallalahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said: "Allah made unlawful to you disobedience to mothers, burying alive of daughters, and refusing help. And he disliked for you frivolous gossips, frequent questions and squandering property." [Bukhari & Muslim]

Muawiyah-b-Ja'hemah reported that Ja'hemah came to the Messenger of Allah (sallalahu 'alayhe wa sallam): "I intend to join a battle and have come to you for consultation." He enquired: "Have you got mother?" "Yes", he replied. He said: "Then keep near her, because Paradise is at her feet." [Ahmad & Nisai & Baihaqi]

Abu Hurairah reported: "A woman came to the Prophet and said: "My husband intends to go away with my son while he gave me water to drink and and gave me other benefit." The Prophet said: "This is your father and this is your mother. Take the hand of any of them you like." He took the hand of his mother and she went away with him." [Abu Daud & Nisai]


From this we see that women has a lot of rights in Islam, although sadly this is not what we see around the Muslim world today. Many women are deprived of their rights and value, but this is based on culture, not religion. Islam has provided women with many rights, and those who tries to take them away are doing wrong to themselves! Women should be respected throughout her life and she plays an important role in Islam. Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) created men and women to live together in this world and support each other and help each other on equal terms, although they have some different positions due to their biological and mental differences.

The topic will continue ...

60 Ways To Keep Your Wife Happy

Bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim

This is a post to all men with advice how they can keep their wife happy. The points are copied from another page, and you can access it by clicking on the title of the topic. Many men ignore the rights of their wife and ignore her needs, so I hope these points can be a guidance for how you should treat your wife. Your wife is a precious gift, don't take her for granted!

1. Make her feel secure. Allow her to feel the sakeena.

2. Greet her with “As-salaamu-alaikum wa rahmatullah” – this will keep the shaytan out of your home

3. Know your wife is a fragile whistle – take care of this whistle (i.e. treat her in a gentle way)

4. Advise her in privacy and during a loving, romantic and/or peaceful atmosphere

5. Be generous to your wife

6. Give her your space/seat

7. Avoid anger – one way is to keep wudhu at all times, another is to sit down or lie down when angry

8. Looking good, smelling great

9. Don’t be rigid or you maybe broken – be good and be flexible

10. Be a good listener

11. Say Yes to flattery, No to arguments

12. Call your wife with the best of names

13. Give her pleasant surprises

14. Preserve the tongue (i.e. don’t say abusive words since some words take years to wipe out)

15. Accept her shortcomings

16. Show her that you appreciate her

17. Encourage her to keep her kin relationships, especially with her mother and father

18. Pick topics of interest to her during conversations

19. Show that she is a wonderful wife in front of her relatives (and friends)

20. Give her gifts all the time

21. Get rid of the “rust” (routine of life) once in a while

22. Think good of your wife

23. Overlook any small words or actions that you did not like (i.e. don’t save them in your memory)

24. Add a drop of patience every day. Increase this patience during pregnancy and her monthly cycle

25. Expect and respect her jealousy

26. Be humble – know that her success at home is your success

27. Don’t make your friends happy at the cost of your wife’s happiness

28. Help with housework

29. Don’t try to force your wife to love your mother. Help her to respect your mother and father and gradually the love will come

30. Make her feel that she is an ‘ideal’ wife

31. Remember your wife in your du’a

32. Leave the past to Allah (SWT) i.e. don’t dig up past issues

33. Don’t show that you are doing a favour when you do something (e.g. bring food home etc.). Know that Allah (SWT) is the provider and your are only a courier

34. Treat the Shaytan (and not your wife) as your enemy. e.g. when an argument breaks out know that present is you, your wife and shaytan.

35. Feed your wife with your hands – this is a blessing

36. Look at your wife as a “precious pearl” – so protect her from the envy of the shayateen

37. Show her your “pearls” (smiles) – smiling is like giving in charity

38. Deal with the little things/problems immediately before they become big issues

39. Dont’t be hard or harsh-hearted

40. Respect her thinking and thought

41. Help her to dig within herself to find success

42. Respect the boundaries of the intimate relationship

43. Help her take care of your children

44. Give her the gifts of the tongue

45. Sit down and eat meals together with your wife

46. Let her know when you are travelling and the date and time you are coming back (i.e. no surprises)

47. Don’t leave your home to avoid an argument

48. Protect the secrecy and privacy of your home – don’t share it with others

49. Encourage each other in worshiping Allah (SWT) – e.g. prayers, attend lectures, plan to go on hajj or umrah trip together

50. Know her rights and treat them as something that are engraved in your heart and conscious

51. Live with them with kindness – treat your wife with goodness in prosperity and adversity

52. “Send a messenger” before any intimite relationship (i.e. kissing and sweet words)

53. Don’t share your family problems with others (except when seeking genuine islamic advice)

54. Show that you care for her health

55. Know that you have shortcomings and are not always right

56. Share your happiness and sadness with your wife

57. Have mercy on her weakness

58. Be the “comfortable chest” for her and allow her to lean on you

59. Accept her “as-is”

60. Have a good intention (niyaah) for your wife at all the times