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However, the way I use the term hijab here, is only in the meaning of the veil, the cover of the hair, as this is the most disputed issue. Some people say that the hijab is only political, others says that the hijab is solely from tradition, whereas others again mean it is related to religion.
In the Quran kareem it says about women's clothing:
"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their khimar over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to ..." - Quran 24:31
The majority of Muslims believes the word "khimar" was earlier used to refer to a piece of cloth that covers the head, which today is called "hijab." Though the khimar is an extended version that covers the breasts as well. There are many hadiths that mention how the wives of the Prophet (SAW) covered themselves, and some people mean that their veils were only for them, because they are the "Mothers of the Believers." Whilst others again believe we should follow their example.
My post today wasn't going to be an article discussing whether hijab is obligatory or not, and whether it's religious or political. I might take that discussion later. My post will be about me and my relationship to this piece of cloth. Yea, my story.
In the beginning, after my conversion, I didn't think much about hijab, and I didn't read much about it. I knew a lot of women covered their head, but I didn't go in depth in this topic. Eventually I talked about this a little with my boyfriend and I became more curious. However, in the beginning I was not very found of this hijab, and I couldn't see myself wearing it.
The year after I made an interview with VG (the biggest newspaper in Norway) about this topic, as a debate was going on in Norway whether this cloth should be banished from elementary schools or not. The interview, however, was mainly about my conversion and my general view on hijab, and why I didn't wear it. My boyfriend occasionally tried to explain to me the importance of it, but I was not interested. He never tried to push me or force me, though! He always said that it's my decision and if I one day decide to wear it, it must be fully my choice and I must feel inside myself that it's the right.
When I went to Egypt my opinion changed. I saw people wearing hijab everywhere, and in the street a lot of people stared at me and said comments to me when I was walking with my friend. In the beginning I didn't care, I just ignored it. But eventually I became bored from it, and my boyfriend too. It's not good to draw attention like that, and people also saw I'm foreign. In Norway the people in the street don't care about you at all, but in Egypt it's different.
By time I learnt more about hijab, and I read a lot of pages why I should wear it and the benefits with hijab. I started to like it more, and I was thinking of wearing it. When my boyfriend's family was going to pray salat el-eid, I went with them, and this was the first time I tried hijab outside, just because I needed it in the mosque, and I felt good with it. I continued to read about it a lot, and one day my boyfriend asked me if I was ever thinking about wearing hijab. I said to him yes, I want, but not tomorrow.
However, the day after I was going out and he said to me, if you want to wear it, there is not reason to delay it further. He was right. But what I was worried about was what I would do when I was going back to Norway, as my family would not be happy for this step I made. Anyway, we decided that in Egypt I will wear it.
I felt comfortable with it. I felt good, and nobody saw that I was foreign. Many thought I was Egyptian, and people stopped staring too much when I was in the street. I felt I had made the right decision, and my boyfriend's family encouraged me. I felt the hijab had become a part of me and my identity.
The bad thing happened the day I was going home to Norway. I went without the hijab to the airport, because I didn't wear it in my passport picture, so we thought maybe they will not accept the ID and won't give me the flight tickets, because I don't look like the picture. But after I took the tickets, I went to the bathroom and I put it on again. I felt naked without it. I didn't care if they said anything when I was going to border the plane or when I landed in Istanbul, Turkey (my transfer was there.) And I also had to stay one night at a hotel in Istanbul, because my plane was delayed.
After I arrived to the hotel I slept 2 hours, as I hadn't slept from two days. When I went outside I put the hijab on again, and nobody saw I was foreign, so nobody talked to me in the street. I know from my friend that Turks like to interact with foreigners.
The day after, when I was going to take the plane to Oslo, Norway, I went to the airport with the hijab, not afraid of being stopped because of the photo. I think actually I was the only one in the plane who wore the hijab, but I just felt special and good inside. Not least proud. When I landed in Oslo, I went to the bathroom to remove my hijab before I was going to meet my dad. It was very hard for me to do that, and I felt sadness and emptiness inside. I felt naked again, but that was all I could do at this time. I didn't want to make more problems with my family, like I made when I told them I had converted. With time I will tell them about hijab, but I don't know how I will make them understand. My tears come when I write this, because I miss to wear it. When I return to Egypt, inshaAllah, I will wear it again and I will not take it off.
